This year has been an interesting one. Some friends have told me that I need to admit that it sucked. I can see why it would seem that way between the miscarriages, my estranged father passing, and oddly enough.. my moms death anniversary date is exactly how it was eleven years ago. My heart aches and Im kinda surprised how fresh that pain feels right now. Not to mention, one of my most favorite people who has been like a sister to me is moving in just a few days. She is one of the few people that I actually feel normal around. ( but what is normal anyway?) She has four beautiful kids and never uses that as an excuse to not make time for people. Nothing fake about her. She is as real as they come and will be missed! Who else will go on my evening dessert runs with me!!?
Now so many out there have it much worse and Im not even complaining. With the hard trials for me this year, Ive learned that I can get pregnant and almost sorta rule out whats the cause of that is, met some new family members and strengthened some old ones, and I always find creative new ways of remembering my mom. I'm learning to open up to people within my Faith so its all progress, right!? Its hard making new friends that I can 100% trust. I just think what is hard for me is accepting that I will meet other amazing people. Granted, I just want to keep the ones I already have close by but what have I had in my life that was ever consistent anyway? Life is meant to be a foundation for much learning and growth. That even means moving on.
I do find it quite ironic that my friend and her whole family will be moving very close to where my family lives in Texas and where my mom is buried. I guess Ill have to make more trips back to Texas now. :)
May this month especially the next twelve days leading up to my mom's death anniversary be filled with something positive to the point that my cup runneth over with extra heart shaped bokeh. Yup, heart shaped.
- Underdog out.